Sometimes you find yourself at an standstill and wonder why. One area you might want to check is “Exactly who is my reference group?”
This step is very important because if you are an artist operating in a group of engineers, there is definitely going to be problems. Most of the time though, things are not that clear cut. We think the people we have surrounded ourselves with want some of the things we want and it is only when we really take a step back that it is apparent that maybe they don’t.
So I guess the best way of approaching this situation is to get beyond what people say they want and begin to look at what they actually 
do. A perfect example of this would be a training I did for a group awhile ago. They had arranged a meeting to plan strategies to work on growing their membership but as the meeting progressed it was very apparent that one person in the group had taken on several roles and all roads led to him in terms of decision making. One person controlling so many parts of the group meant that people with new ideas quickly realized he was not open to anything that would decrease his control and moved on. I’m certain if you asked him if he wanted the group to grow he would have answered “Yes!” but his actions said something totally different.
The same goes for the people with whom you decide to associate. If your desire is to be more active or more creative, then you need to look around and determine if the people you are surrounded by fit into that category. Their behavior influences yours and is needed at times to give you the push you need to follow thorough on the points you say you want. As humans we are constantly contrasting ourselves with those around us and despite the fact that people in our reference group tell us they want some of the same things we want, like the man in the group I previously mentioned, you have to make certain from time to time to ask yourself if their actions match up with their words.
This is an extremely important point because people who are further along the learning curve than you on the same journey make you
want to pick up your game or work harder to perfect a skill or behavior. If you find yourself constantly leading the charge and no one wants to follow… that is a good signal that you are in the wrong reference group. Being in the right reference group means there is a constant flow of ideas and information back and forth that enables everyone to get better at becoming what they say they want to be or do because the people we surround ourselves with act as a mirror to help define ourselves. This is part of the reason you experience more improvement with a training partner, that contrasting causes the two of you push each other.
The motivation series The motivation series “Motivation While You Sleep” is a tool you can use to clarify in your own mind what are the most important goals for you. Very often your true goals are hidden from you and this gentle relaxation session allows you to get past your defenses and allow your true goals to surface. Being able to understand your own true goals allows you to clearly figure out the things and people that work best for and with you.”>“Motivation While You Sleep” is a tool you can use to clarify in your own mind what are the most important goals for you. You’ll find yourself returning to it over and over as situations change or you’re unsure. Very often your true goals are hidden from you and this gentle relaxation session allows you to get past your defenses and allow your true goals to surface. Being able to understand your own true goals allows you to clearly figure out the things and people that work best for and with you.
Those feelings of frustration that seem to be a part of your contact with a person or group may be a sign that they are not your correct reference group and a change is in order. It may be difficult at first to make the reshuffle that is required. But, once you begin to see yourself thrive, you will realize it was all worth it!