One has to wonder after all the turmoil caused by a particular money personality why does each continue to repeat the pattern, even after an expressed desire to stop. The answer is simple and yet very complex. There is a level of fulfillment from a dominant personality trait that provides its own reinforcement but may not readily be apparent.

Help from my friends

Enablers play a very destructive game with certain money types that help both remain in denial. It is a case of the 800 pound gorilla in the room that no one wants to acknowledge. The spender’s talents are tested to come up with a plausible reason that he knows the enabler will accept. As long as this pattern continues he has no reason to face the reality of the situation. A family member once admitted that a cousin’s constant hard luck stories were actually beginning to affect the financial security of their own family. They suspected this woman was gambling with the money but every time she presented with a story of the utilities needing to be paid his wife wrote out a check. The stories became more and more elaborate and yet the checks kept being written

A Rush or thrill

There is a rush that accompanies a purchase that most of us experience but for someone who is a compulsive spender that feeling is dramatically magnified. I’m sure you have heard someone say “I was feeling down so I went shopping and felt better”; or “When I made money on that stock I was on top of the world and I wanted build my returns even higher”, or “I know I already have a hundred purses but this one is a designer bag that my favorite movie star has.”

Conversely, the person who is known for denying himself may secretly harbor a desire for doing the forbidden. He may later redouble his efforts at denying himself as punishment for this transgression but at that moment there is a sense of excitement much like the compulsive shopper.

Hedonic adaptation

Hedonic adaptation, better known as tolerance, is a psychological adaptation in which people quickly become used to things or situations in order to maintain a stable level of happiness. Over time, the rush from a new purchase is pushed toward the normal emotional range and we stop getting pleasure from our usual behavior. In other words, the $200 purse now has to be $800 to register on the pleasure meter. One person traded in a year old Lexus because a Mercedes better fit his “new goals” despite the fact the cost of both was lumped into the loan. As he put it: “I know I only had the Lexus a year but it just didn’t do it for me anymore.”

Money distortion

Shoppers and savers, despite being polar opposites, become very similar in their ability to distort the reality of their money situation. The shopper discounts the multiple purchases she has made over the previous week because they were below a certain level and therefore assumes she still has money in her checking account. By the same token, the saver may be sitting on a mound of cash but unrealistically thinks he is on the verge of being broke. It is like a thin person who only sees his or herself as fat no matter what is shown in the mirror or the remarks received from the people around them.

The secret self or double life

Bernard Madoff and his 15 year Wall Street deception is a well known example of the secret self in that the person has an almost parallel universe life that is separate and apart from what is shown to friends, acquaintances, and sometimes even family. There is the thrill in addition to the challenge of just how long he can maintain the deception. Each time he is able to evade detection provides the excitement of just how crafty he is at the keeping the secret under wraps. At some point it becomes a game that the deceiver sees himself quite good at playing and is a test of just how bold and creative he can become.