Frequently I hear people use the phrase “If only I had done this or that.” It seems a simple enough phrase on the surface but if looked at closely it has a much deeper meaning. By its very nature it is understood that things have not gone the way we hoped or planned them, but the implied and unspoken message is the desire to go back in time and change things to affect our future.
It assumes that the way things are now is the way they will remain and the only way to change the outcome is to go back to the beginning and alter the series of events which set it all in motion.
The past is the past
Well…alternate universes and time machines aside, there is no way to go back in time no matter how great the desire. But the good side of the equation is the fact that man is one of the few animals that can change his destiny. That said, we need to continually remind ourselves that our past is not our future. The past is the past; and no matter how much we refuse to realize it, it does not predict our future.
We cannot go forward looking back
Too often we attempt to move forward but rather than being focused on what we hope for the future we are set on trying to avoid what we experienced in the past. Imagine the image of a person running and yet looking backwards. We all know disaster is a matter of time based on this scene because we understand you cannot see what is ahead and react to the upcoming events.
And yet we spend the vast majority of our lives doing just what we have said is surely disaster, never realizing that by being focused on the things we wish to avoid we draw to us the very thing we hope to avoid. I am not saying don’t be careful or take into account things that have gone wrong in the past but view them as simply added to our body of knowledge. The things that have gone wrong are events in a series of events rather than the event.
Imagine a new future
Try waking up tomorrow and exchange your old view. Imagine a new future for yourself and no matter the obstacles you encounter hold that vision throughout the day. Then surprise yourself and get up the next day with the same attitude.
Resolve that you are going to run as fast as you can in the direction of the things you want doing a little something everyday that moves you closer and closer to where you want to be. And, anytime you are wondering which way to go, stop and ask yourself “Am I running away from or toward something?” That mental check always helps to straighten the compass…
I have used that phrase exactly as you described it. Now that I think about it I did want to go back in time!
This is something I really need to think aboout…
I think we all have done that but I have learned that if I had not had made those choices I would not be where I am today… We should learn from our mistakes and benefit from them by seeing how not to redo them to make better or different choices depending on the circumstance… U are the only one who can control no one else can..Crying over spilt milk is wasted time and energy… What’s done is done..
Chrissy,
I will also acknowledge that our mind is physiologically set to register pain or loss more profoundly than pleasure (ie: losing a dollar is felt more keenly than finding five dollars). So it is not as simple as what’s done is done for some people. The idea is to begin to retrain the brain when the pain of the event comes up to acknowledge it but then override it with the joy we expect to experience from the planned event we are working on for the future. Over time we begin to include the painful event in your data base as simply that a painful event in the past rather than the thing that has shaped your entire life.
Lovely post. I completely agree with you that we cant live by thinking about what we should/could have dont in the past. Each day is a new day with new challenges & new hope.
Very thoughtfully done. It is the small decisions we make every day that pull the threads of our future into our own tapestry.
Oh, I definitely agree w/what u have said… your example of ‘losing a dollar’. I guess means its like a sign of failure? If u thought I sounded so cut and dry I did not mean to…I do agree that one does learn from the past…
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-Mel
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