There is the well known story of a woman who finds a snake dying by the side of the road and takes him home. She warms the snake by the fire and provides a plate of milk to slowly nurse him back to health. And then one day as she was gently holding the snake he bites her. The dying woman then asks the snake why he bit her after she saved him. The snake responds “snakes bite people.” I used this story because one of our most powerful human processes is the mental matching of our identity with our behavior. The snake was basically saying this is who I am, therefore this is what I am suppose to do.
How we define ourselves , or for that matter how we allow others to define us, becomes all important because once we have accepted an identity there are behaviors consistent with that identity that will follow. And, to take it in another direction, we may need to change our identity to fit a new set of circumstances and situations. In other words the identity we have today worked to get us to this point but it may not be the identity we need to get us over the next hill tomorrow. I say that because for most of my life I told myself I was not athletic because I was not good at any sports in school. And then one day, well into my adult life, I decided to try something athletic just for exercise. I discovered endurance cycling and an athlete was born. What shocked me was that for years I saw my body as something weak and useless, it was my brain that counted and I accepted that identity. Once I became good at cycling I realized that for all those years I had been at war with my body and it did not have to be.
And so, the great exchange is to decide what identity no longer works for your current situation and then decide who you wish to be. Really give some thought to the attributes of this new you, listing them one by one, and then begin to put them on like a new skin. Start today to answer the question “Who are you?”
When I was married, my husband like most was responsible for our investments, researching out a new house, trips, etc… after I became a widow, I was now in 'his place'…. About a yr. after he died, I bought a house, all by myself. And I realized the mystery of buying it was not such a big deal.. Also all the male things he did around the house was not a big deal either.. I found out that I was quite mechanical..I was able to figure out the sprinkler system in the new house which, the warranty people (males) had set up wrong..lol… I've always been assertive but now I find I know how to talk to people in a way that is more sensitive and I know what words seem to' win 'over a person that i've hired.
What is that line in the movie The Fisher King, "Pick something and then become it"
Chrissy,
I do think mechanical stuff around the house is uncharted territory for a lot of women, but once you get into it you understand why men spend so much time in hardware stores because the right tool can dramatically shorten a job. And yes, it is amazing what one can become once they decide to have the attributes of the person they wish to be. Good for you!
This is so true! Thanks for reminding me of this and encouraging me to step beyond my comfort zone and into the stratosphere!