I have been in Jacksonville for awhile now and gotten used to the threat of hurricanes and sort of like a lot of people in the State think you pay attention but really don’t. There are a million announcements to save up food and water and God knows what else. Most of us however, would end up having to drink our own urine if really pushed. I know I’ve told Alex that I would have no problem eating him if we were trapped for a long period of time. He’s thin and definitely fat free.

After roughing it through several days of hurricane turned good ole Tropical Storm Fay (the insurance companies may be reading this and I don’t want to give them any excuse to raise my rates… I repeat, Tropical Storm) I have come to the conclusion that there is a hierarchy in terms of how people experienced the storm. It’s sort of like a reduced 12 Step program of working through the storm and coming out on the other side. I went through all of them except the one called “Being Totally Prepared.” But have no fear, I have an example of that experience: my neighbor… God bless him.

The first step is being totally oblivious: The lights are on, the TV works, and there are workers in the super market deli (my favorite form of food preparation). So there I sat: fat, dumb and happy watching the Olympics and shouting at the TV “That Chinese girl is good but she can’t be a day over 12 years old!” I could tell the wind had begun to pick up and it was raining harder but she had to be no more than 12.

The second step is being vaguely aware: I awoke the next morning to driving winds and heavy rains, thought my client would not want to slop through this stuff and I knew I didn’t want to. So I figured I would contact my client, cancel and then use my Personal Day and call in to work. Just before I dialed the phone I took a moment to collect myself. I wanted to make certain my voice had the appropriate sound of regret. A voice answers the phone and I go through my spiel, making certain they have gotten my name correctly. And then I ask “And who am I speaking with?” “Oh this is the Answering Service and the office is closed today and tomorrow due to the Tropical Storm.” A brief moment of overwhelming joy….followed by overwhelming panic. “It is…then forget my name! I N-E-V-E-R called!”

We now backtrack to the first step. Two days go by and the lights flicker a couple of times, and that Chinese girl is getting younger and younger.

The third step is being more vaguely aware. I am a night owl by nature and there I am sitting up late into the night writing my blog. One o’clock in the morning the lights suddenly go dim… as in out. Not to worry. I’ll go to sleep and give the lights a chance to come back.

Now arrives the dramatic fourth step: OH MY GOD!!!

I awake the next morning and the lights are still off. Hours go by. Each tick of the small battery powered clock seems like days. I’ve been cut off for awhile now and who knows what is going on in the outside world. And then it comes to me I have batteries for my digital camera and can use them in my little radio to find out exactly what is going on out there. As soon as I turn on the little radio I hear that there is now a tornado warning. It has been sighted just to the south of me and is headed my way. First the rain, then the storm, then the lights, then no TV or videos, and now a tornado, what could be next frogs and locust!!! I was losing it!!! And then I realized I had not eaten all day. There is food in the refrigerator but I hate cold food. I’ll eat a couple of carrots and wait a few more hours and then the electricity will come back…

Now comes the next to the last, fifth step: Acceptance that you have been stupid followed by electricity envy. The phone rings and all your friends call to tell you they are still watching that Chinese girl and if you want to risk your life driving around town you can come and stay with them. There is always the unadmitted sound of gloating in their voices as they say it. “Oh, I’m alright but thanks.” Off in the distance I could hear the hum of my neighbor’s generator… the neighbor with a million gadgets who is always prepared. The hum seems to get louder and louder, and the louder it gets the hungrier I become.

And then the sixth and final step, total surrender and return to the cave man: