Did I mention that my significant other Alex is a software engineer and Russian? Since meeting him over four years ago I have come to appreciate Russian humor and the struggle of the immigrant to make sense of their home country experience in a foreign culture. He tells me Russian jokes that he applies to an American context and I thought I would share a few with you.

First, to understand Alex you have to sort of go back in time to Star Trek. Not the new one’s like The Next Generation, but the old Star Trek with William Shatner. Remember the character Chekov? The main thing that always struck me about Chekov was that no matter what the invention or the idea, the Russians always invented or developed it first. That is Alex!

OK, now that we have set the stage. Whenever the two of us discuss the recent rise in the price of anything Alex pulls out the soap box, steps upon it, and goes into a Russian novel type of tirade. And, what I always find amusing when we are in a store to buy something where the price has risen dramatically, he stops in shock, gets a very disappointed look on his face, then slowly shakes his head and says in a very disgusted fashion: “They have no shame!” I guess it is his way of saying that the price has risen so much that the people selling it should be ashamed to post it for public view. He never fails to go through this ritual.

One day after performing this gesture he turns to me and says “This reminds me of a joke from Russia”

A man goes to the farmers market and sees a rooster for sale for one thousand dollars. It is a very ordinary looking rooster and he can’t figure out why it is priced so high. So he asks the farmer selling the rooster

“Does this rooster do tricks?” The farmer replies “No”

“Does this rooster cause your hens to lay special eggs?” Again the farmer answers “No”

“Well, is the rooster from a special bred?” Once again the farmer answers “No”

The man is totally confused now and yells at the farmer “Well why is the rooster priced so high!?” The farmer looks him straight in the eye and says “Because I need MONEY soooo BAD!!!”

That expression has now become his mantra and shorthand for taking out the soap box. When a commercial comes on TV at a thousand decibels and he reaches for the remote to quickly and disapprovingly hit the mute button he simply yells “They’re still selling that rooster!”

But the funniest joke is not a joke at all but an actual incident. Alex goes to visit his friend Boris in Dallas who very proudly shows him his garden full of zucchini. Boris is the type that is very boastful and full of pride. They survey the garden and then return to the house to have lunch with fried zucchini. Alex remarks that the zucchini tastes strange. Not willing to have anyone question his harvest, Boris turns to him and strongly says “Eat your fired zucchini and keep your mouth shut!”

Several weeks pass and once again Alex returns to visit Boris and is surprised he is not as eager to give him a tour of the garden. Alex asks “So how is the zucchini garden coming?’ Boris gives him a stern look and replies “Why so nosey…?’ and walks from the room. Once he is beyond hearing Boris’ wife softly tells him they discovered that the garden was not zucchini at all but watermelon!

So now, whenever we are involved in a dispute and think the other is wrong and simply want to bring the discussion to a close, meaning time will tell, one of us simply says “Eat your fried zucchini and keep your mouth shut!”