The greatest difficulty in beginning to understand your own and your partners money type in a relationship is trying to bring into perspective the belief system of the other. Note I did not say approve but bring into perspective or understand. It is most difficult because you are asking someone to get beyond their own feelings and see things through the thoughts and feelings of another.
It is an exercise that can be difficult because once the money personality conflict has come to light couples have dug into a position and been talking past each other for quite some time. They will say they have been attempting to talk about the issue but if you really listen to an exchange between them it is as if they are talking about two very different subjects, and they are. Every statement is filtered through the prism of their belief system which adds its own interpretation to what is said. That filtering is why each needs to understand the building blocks of their belief system. The following exercise provides a means to begin that process.
Exercise: What is your earliest significant money memory?
1. Think back to the earliest point you can remember when you knew that money was important.
2. What thoughts come to mind as you relive that experience?
3. How did you feel others viewed you after the incident?
4. What were some of the things you learned from the experience?
5. How is what you learned from the experience still playing out in your life now?
6. How does your partner’s money experience differ from yours?
The goal of this exercise is to help you begin to understand your own belief system and how your spouse’s experience differs from yours.